In Memory Of Lost Angels Through Baby Loss

This week we remember babies born asleep, or whom we have carried but never met, those we have held but could not take home, the ones who made it home but didn’t stay. Make this your profile status if you or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. The majority of you won’t do it, because unlike cancer, baby loss is still a taboo subject. Break the silence.I am breaking my silence in memory of an Angel named Matthew, that was born too prematurely at 20 weeks! It was a most horrific time for me and my hubby, as we had been experiencing an unimaginable amount of stress during the entire pregnancy. My Mother had just been diagnosed with brain cancer and admitted into the hospital at the exact time I had my pregnancy confirmed. I was traveling daily on the Go-train into Hamilton from my new promotion in Human Resources department from Toronto, and at the time we didn’t have the techie resources that we have now.  I kept very busy trying to keep up to date replying to employee and Department Managers in long hand format!  

As my belly grew, so did my nausea, and the only thing that would alleviate,it would be saltines  and water. As you can imagine I had already named my unborn child and worried that my Mom would never have the opportunity to meet him!  Can you imagine, no Grandma, no Mother for me, no confidant for either one of us!
On Christmas Day the Doctors called and told us they had to go in again and release the pressure in my Mom’s brain, by placing drainage tubes into her stomache! Of course you can, go ahead, I’ve got nothing better to do, so there we were all hunkered down while Mom’s surgery was performed!  Five hours later, I was given a gift from an Angel, my baby KICKED me; it was AMAZING.  I thought it was indigestion, then it happened again!  Well that was the best Gift from Heaven and my Mom, that I could every have wished for. 

I continued in this mode for weeks more, back and forth to Hamilton from Toronto; climbing off the train to get into my Mom’s hospital bed for a cuddle! But she was awake for one week only, during which I was able to show her my big belly and Happy face, Mom, you and Dad are going to be grandparents! She smiled hugely and said I know… Angel told me!  I went home elated that night filled with so much HOPE and Happiness that I hadn’t felt for months; until my appointment the following Monday when the ultrasound couldn’t detect my childs heartbeat!

Within hours I was the patient, and it was just coincidence, but it was on my hubby’s birthday; that I delivered my stillborn Angel Matthew – January 15,1983.  

My Mom never met him, but I know for a fact that when she passed one month later,February 16,1983  my little Lost Angel was the first to greet his Grandmother.😇😇

In memory of all lost angels!
With Much Love,

Gail Pearce Siemko

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