#HappyMothersDay2025
It’s that time of year when our hearts turn more to remembering our parents than doing an extra rep of sit-ups. I know that I miss all three of my Mother’s every day since they passed. I was fortunate to have had wonderful relationships with my birth mother, #DorothyCandler, mother-in-law #BerniceSiemko and stepmom #MarjoriePearce. All of these women had many things in common besides their family members and my Father, but more about him next month. I know that I lost my Mom Dot, way too soon to get to know all of her idiosyncrasies, but her humour and blue eyes are both characteristics that I was handed down and given to my sons. She was a very funny individual and never missed a lot of my world growing up in the East End of Hamilton. Sure, we had our disagreements, but when you are thirteen in Grade 9 and wearing hotpants to school, I must agree as a parent, she was right for grounding me. Just ask my girlfriends who enjoyed her company as well, they would visit me and end up chatting with Mrs.Pearce while smoking cigarettes. My birth Mom was my first confidante and my go-to person that made my life so much easier as a young teen, attending high school, then college, and my first full-time job with RBC. I remember her face when I told her about my promotion to @RBCInspectionCda, her smile turned into a frown when describing the role that took me over all of Ontario and New York, two weeks at a time. All she kept reiterating was the fact that my marriage was only three years young and I must be home more often. I gradually earned her acceptance into the business world as opposed to the stay-at-home with your family role, just like she had done her entire life.
We survived and are still married, 50 years since. She wasn’t the only Mom who voiced this opinion, Mother-in-law Bernice said practically the same thing, as they were friends since we were married. My Mom, Dot, was very sick with Brain Cancer, but we didn’t know this until it was too late. The medical professionals were treating her for Sleeping Sickness with high doses of antibiotics, resulting in a diabetic coma and subsequent multiple surgeries. During this time, I fell pregnant with a baby that was carried to twenty-one weeks before I miscarried from all of the stress. The only good thing that came of that was the huge smile that spread across Mom’s face when I told her the news, just before another surgery to remove more of the cancer. She died February 16, 1983, and I miss her and that gorgeous smile that was infectious, but I know she is with me every day.
My mother-in-law, #BerniceSiemko, stood four feet, ten inches from the floor and was full of confidence, love, and never-ending joy for me and my sons. Mom2 welcomed me into the Siemko family with outstretched arms and always had a kind word for everyone she met. Bernice taught me how to make pierogies, cabbage rolls and other Polish foods, which we still make to this day. We became close, then even closer, after I made it my business to assist her and become her caregiver after open heart surgery and subsequent strokes. I never referred to Mom2 as Bernice, as it was disrespectful and that’s just not me, but I did drive into Hamilton three times weekly to take her to appointments and shopping. All of these dates were scheduled around my sons, who were in public school, and my eldest, My mother-in-law, #BerniceSiemko, stood four feet, ten inches from the floor and was full of confidence, love, and never-ending joy for me and my sons. Mom2 welcomed me into the Siemko family with outstretched arms and always had a kind word for everyone she met. Bernice taught me how to make pierogies, cabbage rolls and other Polish foods, which we still make to this day. We became close, then even closer, after I made it my business to assist her and become her caregiver after open heart surgery and subsequent strokes. I never referred to Mom2 as Bernice, as it was disrespectful and that’s just not me, but I did drive into Hamilton three times weekly to take her to appointments and shopping. All of these dates were scheduled around my sons, who were in public school, and my eldest, Jonathan, having special needs, both required my attendance regularly to ensure they received the proper attention to move forward in life. To do so, I was working during the lunch hour for the school and was fortunate to receive a small paycheck for my time. My work was not with Jonathan or Addison; I was assigned to higher grades, and they listened to me. So lunch hours became a given in my things to do today, along with Bernice, or Babcia is what I always referred to her, as this is the children’s only living grandmother.
After a while of driving regularly for Babcia as described earlier, I approached Mom2 about moving closer to us in Oakville, which resulted in her living just eight minutes away, giving us peace of mind and less time away. Mom2 was tiny in stature, however, extremely tall in self-esteem, etiquette, love for her family, walking daily and independence. She raised five children, all born within five years, in the North End of Hamilton, and did it without assistance like the young Moms nowadays! The stories that I have to share are magnificent, and I will do that, not today though, as she was my Mom2 and I loved that she always introduced me as her daughter (Bernice was blonde and so am I, many people would say you can tell she is your Mom by your hair) and we just chuckled to ourselves. After many peaceful years in Burlington, Bernice’s life, vim and stamina began to slow down to a slow crawl, resulting in her being assessed by geriatric professionals and learning that she had some health issues that needed more than a hug or physiotherapy. She required surgery, but they felt that she was too weak for the shoulder repair, so it was meds and rest, much to everyone’s chagrin. Mom2 took it every day and kept close contact with her other family members, but then became very sick with food poisoning, and I remember that day extremely vividly. I carried this little Babcia into my car, then into the Emergency room, where they admitted her for seven weeks before Bernice succumbed to her ailments. I ensured she had all the creature comforts. I was devastated and still miss her, but take solace in knowing that I took all encompassing measures to get my children home from University, and all of the other individual family members in to say goodbye before Mom2 passed over ten years ago. #BerniceSiemko
Well, my third Mom, #MarjoriePearce, entered my world at approximately the same time that Dorothy passed. Mom3 was an amazing person who required time to get to know her, as she was a bit shy and afraid I might not like that she worked with my Dad. Marjorie had the most impressive handwriting, besides Dorothy’s, and would give me some of the best recipes for gluten-free dinners, desserts, etc., which I would then make a mental note and make my own. I wasn’t allowed to give her any gifts at the beginning of our relationship, as her personal beliefs were such that it just wasn’t acceptable, so I baked or cooked for her and Dad. Mom3 was the pruner of all gardening, lawn cutting and most outdoor activities, as my Dad has suffered several debilitating strokes at age forty, leaving him permanently handicapped. This wasn’t a concern of Mom3, no, she just kept at him to try, not to give up. They had three to four cats at all times, and Marjorie was the nurse for them. Sometimes, I kiddingly mentioned that they loved their cats more than me. To which she replied, No, they are your sisters. Oh, okay, thanks, and every time I would visit to take Dad or her to the medical professionals, she was always ready while Dad took longer, and I ended up being in the middle. To this day, I felt like a counsellor, but it all worked out, especially when I had to tell Dad about his using the electrical appliances, like laundry and dishes, at 2:00 AM, as he thought the rates were cheaper. This interrupted Mom3’s sleeping, and there you have it, my job as counsellor was again in need in Hamilton, on this occasion and countless others. I had no qualms about being there; it was always around my son’s schedules, although sometimes I would end up racing to pick them up, and this was not good for my blood pressure. She appreciated my little talks with Dad and thoroughly enjoyed my visits to her backyard for iced tea! Several times, just Marjorie and I went out for a change and enjoyed the quiet of being away from my Dad, who had a large voice, but he always had that. Eventually, she allowed me to gift her with little teddy bears and chocolate for her birthday or Mother’s Day or go out for dinner with the family. This wonderful person allowed me into her life and sent me birthday cards with a small gift of money, to which I always found it a surprise as I didn’t receive gifts often. I loved that Marjorie listened to Paul Reid and CHML, the same shows as Bernice, so when they were brought together, they always had items to converse with each other. I miss her, and all of her idiosyncrasies, but know she is in Heaven with my other Moms. #MarjoriePearce
So it’s on this day that I decided to write about my three Moms and dedicate my relationship with every one of them, all different in their way. I will always miss them, cherish them, love them unconditionally and be very appreciative of all of my relationships with them, Mom, Mom2, Mom3.
Gail Siemko 